Journal entry 4 – Afraid 

I’m afraid my wit will decay. I’m afraid I will never live up to expectations. I’m afraid my writing will slowly come to an end as I run out of thoughts I never wished for. I wish to be timeless, but as I continue to write – I become rhymeless. Everything I wrote before was filled with intricate rhyme schemes, but now I can’t even seem to rhyme without really trying. I’m afraid that the plague in my mind will find some other person to feast on and the locus will no longer live. My focus isn’t what it used to be, I’m afraid that once I loose interest in life i’ll loose focus on trying to live and I’ll perish alone. I’m afraid of running out of metaphors to draw comparison. I’m afraid I’ll stop writing and just start doodling on my notebook paper. Keep focus Miles!!! How do I focus when the focal point of my existence has been terminated? Every time I try to find a reason to live, life let’s me down. I haven’t even lived yet, I’m 17 but im afraid that college – having a family – proceeding in life will just be disappointment after disappointment. I’ll be let down like a child after being tossed into the air and being told “no more fun today”. Turn the water to the slip in slide off. I’ve injured myself on this life rolar coaster ride. I dropped my phone, I lost my hat and now everything I contained in my head is being spilled out. I’m afraid that after I laugh, I won’t laugh again. I’m afraid that I’ll never know what it’s like to get an A. I’m afraid that I won’t be able to make my parent proud because all I do is let them down and when my life ends it’ll probably be before there’s, and disappointment will forever fill the air. The argument for pro life is to not waste a life when I’m wasting my life now so all lives aren’t precious to me. How do I continue my life being afraid of living and being afraid of the body that never listens. I’m afraid that once I think a thought I’ll never be able to stop thinking – I can’t even remember what I learned in calculus today. Repetition is all I know. I’m afraid that death is a repetition that I will soon relay.

I’m afraid of being afraid. 

Author: slimyslang

Hi, I’m miles! I’m not an experienced writer and will be posting poetry and whatever comes to mind. Any suggestions help me become a better writer, Thanks! Also.. I rap as well. If you feel the need to rattle your ears check out my soundcloud: my Instagram is: @cloutwrap I post artsy photos :)

7 thoughts on “Journal entry 4 – Afraid ”

    1. Don’t worry, I’m terrified too. Everything I write is either at work or in the middle of the night. These places just give me the vibe of my life sucks lmao. I’m alright tho, life is scary but we got this.

      Liked by 1 person

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